BLOGDIAL : We are the best

The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000, depending on how
fancy you want the final product to be. Since last week's column,
"Let's Make a Time Machine", was received so well in the new
step-by-step format, this month's column will follow the same format.

CONSTRUCTION METHOD
First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade Plutonium at
your local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power plant is not
recommended, as large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make
plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact your local
terrorist organization, or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your
neighborhood.
Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium,
is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after
handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play
in it or eat it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an
insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if
you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will
do nicely.
Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common
varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as,
for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use
tinfoil.
Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about
4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite
is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man
will be happy to provide you with this item.
Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4.
If you cannot find Gelignite, fell free to use TNT packed in with
Playdo or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is
no need to get fancy at this point.
Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3.
Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere
arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation
which might result from vibration or mishandling.
To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo
mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of
effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap
to effect a small explosion. These detonatior caps can be found in
the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend
the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The
garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme
range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been
known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The
hall closet or under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is
a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for
national defense.
THEORY OF OPERATION
The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the
Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a
nuclear chain recation similar to the domino chain reaction
(discussed in this column, "Dominos on the March", March, 1968). The
chain reaction then promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction.
And there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!

NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's
wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting
weekend full of fun and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all
you need. See you next month!

NOTES
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic
element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical
structure to Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.

PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS
Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979